Monthly Archives: May 2012

21 Lessons for Fathers

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The following is a list of bullet points on fatherhood by Doug Wilson.  Each point was addressed and exanded upon more competely, but this is a summary of Wilson’s teaching on being a godly Father.

21 Points for Fathers – by Doug Wilson

  1. Love Jesus Christ, and express that love by worshiping His Father in the power of the Spirit, and do this as a gathered family on the Lord’s Day. Worship is a big deal. God honors those who honor Him (1 Sam. 2:30).
  2. Love your children by loving their mother. Love their mother by loving her children. This is the central way the gospel will be proclaimed in your home (Eph. 5:25).
  3. Teach them to love the standard, which is not the same thing as merely requiring them to conform to the standard (for a time). This is a function of heart loyalty (Prov. 23:26), and you teach them to love the standard (and to be loyal to you) by loving the standard yourself (and being loyal to them).
  4. Your garden of yes should have a tree of no in it, and not the other way around (Gen. 2:16). God is not a skinflint, and you should not paint Him as being one. In Christ, all the promises are yes and amen (2 Cor. 1:20). Resemble the God you serve.
  5. Give them the Torah, not the Talmud (Matt. 22:40). The law of God is simple to understand, and can be easily summarized. If your house rules are convoluted and Byzantine, then you have a problem. I well remember my father’s summary of what was expected of us—“no disobedience, no lying, and no disrespecting your mother.” See? Life is good.
  6. Acknowledge your children all need to be converted (Eph. 2:3), but do not do this with unequal weights and measures. If you apply impossible standards to your children, you are causing them to stumble. Beware of millstones as you bring them to Christ (Matt. 18:6).
  7. Listen to them. They are people. It is possible to converse with them (Prov. 18:13).
  8. Their food, shelter, and clothing take precedence over your toys (Ex. 21:10).
  9. Remember their frame (Ps. 103:14). Don’t skip naps, keep them up until 11:30, withhold a real dinner, and then paddle them for falling apart. Someone should paddle you for pulling them apart.
  10. Eat together and not just as refueling measure. This is how families become companions. The liberality that results in table fellowship is a big deal in Scripture (Prov. 11:25), so why withhold it from your family? If half your meals are eaten over the sink, then take stock of your situation.
  11. Respect your sons and love your daughters (Eph. 5: 33, 25). They are different, and those differences should be honored. This obviously does not mean you don’t have to love your sons or respect your daughters, but it does tell you which way to lean.
  12. Tell stories together. Listen to stories together. The gospel is a story (1 Cor. 15:3ff), and we come to know one another truly as we come to know the genre. By telling stories you come to realize that you are in one.
  13. Provide your children with a Christian education (Eph. 6:4). And it must be a true education, filled with life and laughter. The classroom is not a cauldron (Dt. 14:21).
  14. You should want a home full of Scripture, a home full of joy, a home full of music (Eph. 5:19; Col. 3:16). Godly child-rearing is Spirit-filled, and it cannot be Spirit-filled without becoming a musical.
  15. Give your children quantity time, and don’t try to sub in the guilt salve of so-called “quality time” (Dt. 6:4-9).
  16. Discipline should be a gift, not a grabbing. If you are retaliating against your children, then the whole thing is self-serving (Gal. 6:1).
  17. Discipline should be judicious, and not an occasion for you to jump to conclusions (Prov. 18:17). Sometimes kids can invite the injustice, and they bear the weight of it if they do, but fathers should fight to maintain justice in the home. Playing favorites with your children, incidentally, invites such injustice.
  18. The pain of discipline should be acute, not chronic. The Bible says that discipline should be painful (Heb. 12:11), but not the pain of a dull ache week after week. Heartache is not discipline.
  19. The point of discipline is restored fellowship (Heb. 12:11), not retribution. There is a difference between discipline and punishment. Discipline is correction, and can cease when correction is accomplished. You don’t make all your children spend the same amount of time in the tub for the sake of “equality.”
  20. Divided discipline is dangerous. Father and mother are in this together. Scripture requires them to be honored together (Ex. 20:12), and so they should work together. Don’t allow your children to apply the tactic of “divide and conquer.”
  21. Prepare them for independence (Gen. 2:24). Do not make the mistake of indulging sin when it is little and cute, and then trying to crack down on it later, when things start to look more serious.

Keep your eye on the ball…

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“In the beginning….”
Genesis 1:1 (ESV)

Where is baseball first mentioned in the bible?  In Genesis 1, “In the big inning…”
(rim shot please)

It’s baseball season here in the land of “Field of Dreams.”  The last couple of summers I’ve had to miss most of my oldest son’s ball games because of community theater commitments, so this year I thought I’d pitch in and help out with the team.  It’s a lot of fun hanging out with a bunch of 3rd and 4th graders on these beautiful spring days.  They learned very quickly that’s I haven’t played ball in close to 30 years, but they’ve been very accepting of my help.

Here are some lessons I’ve learned from watching little league baseball:

  • You have to keep your eye on the ball.  We know this applies to hitting, but it also applies to fielding the ball as well as just playing the game in general.  If you want to hit the ball, you’ve got to watch it cross the plate.  If you want to catch the ball, you’ve got to watch it into the glove.  If you’re on the field, you’ve got to know where the ball is at all times.  The ball is the game.  If you want to win, keep your eye on the ball.

In our Christian lives, we have to keep our eyes on the ball as well.  We have to remember that our lives are not our own, that we have been purchased with a price, and that we are to live for the glory of God in everything we do.  A resolute passion for the glory of God should influence every decision, govern every purchase, guide every word.  If you want to be victorious in life, to overcome all things, keep your heart fixed on the glory of God.

  • You’re probably not as good as you think you are.  It never ceases to amaze me how a 10 or 11 year old can think He’s God’s gift to baseball.  He already knows more than the coach, has his swing perfected, considers practice an inconvenience, and the golden glove and Nike endorsements are only just moments away.  Usually these are the players who blame the umpire when he strikes out, the field when he misses an easy out, and the rest of the team when they lose a game.  Unfortunately, this kind of attitude usually learned in the home, and is so common in sporting that there is nothing to discourage its continuing to flourish.

One of the sobering realities of the Gospel message is that we are all sinners who have fallen short of the glory of God.  Our righteousness, our good works, are like filthy rags, stained and polluted in the eyes of God.  We polish the thin veneer of our self-righteousness to a high glossy shine, but deep within were nothing more than a selfish, self-centered 10 year old who thinks he’s God’s gift to Christendom (second only to Jesus, of course).  We blame the world, the politicians, the church, for the problems of the world today, and just wish we could get back to the “heart of Christianity” without ever really knowing what that means.  It’s the sins of those around me, right?  Or could my sins have something to do with the world’s problems.

The more I realize my own brokenness, the more I learn to lean on the everlasting arms of Christ.  The more aware I am of my sinfulness, which leads me to the grace and mercy of God in Jesus Christ, the closer I come to true holiness.

  • You get better the more you practice.  While it is important to remind the kids who are playing that they have a long way to go, it is also important to encourage them as they make improvements along the way.  These little 3rd graders have a hard time throwing the ball across the field.  But every time they try, they get a little closer.  The coaches are there to run them through the disciplines, base running, fielding, hitting, and throwing.  As the players follow the coach’s lead, they grow and improve.  It may seem like going through the motions, but they are being prepared for the real game.

The Scriptures teach that we are all sinners, but they also teach that we are being made holy by the transforming work of God’s Spirit.  As we study God’s Word, as we come before the Lord in prayer, as we serve one another in love, the Holy Spirit encourages us, empowers us, to keep on growing.  We take up the Spiritual disciplines, like reading, praying, studying, worshipping, and working – and sometimes they do indeed feel like discipline.  All the while, God is working His good work within us, rooting out sin, and growing us in righteousness.

  • You play better as a team.  There are nine players on the field for a reason.  One person cannot possibly play all positions.  Players need one another on the field. They’ve got to talk to each other, work with one another, encourage each other in order to win.  A player is part of a team, but without the team, there are no players.

The Christian is never a Christian apart from the Church.  The Community of other believers is an absolute necessity in the life of a follower of Christ.  As Christians, we are a part of the body of Christ, as a body, we are many units that make up a whole.  A Christian cannot exist in isolation.  Christians need one another – we’ve got to talk to one another about our faith, work side by side with each other in service and ministry, encourage one another.  A Christian is a part of the Church, but without the Church you cannot be a Christian.

  • You have to listen to the coach.  As a player, you are not the coach.  The coach has the advantage of age, experience, and perspective that you do not have.  The coach has a strategy for the game, a particular order for batting, a roster for pitching, and considering the opponent, will play the team accordingly.  As a player, your job is to listen to the coach.  When he tells you to run, you run.  If he tells you to slide, you better slide.  If he knows a strong hitter is coming to the plate, he’ll tell the outfield to take a few steps back; not because he wants you to suffer by having farther to go at the end of the inning, but because he wants you to win.  If you want to play ball, you better listen to the coach.

I can’t say this any clearer – You are not God.  You are not the creator and giver of life, you did not create the stars and spin them in their orbit.  You do not possess the power, the experience, the wisdom, the perspective to be in control of your own life.  And that’s okay.  God is in control, and the sooner you learn to listen to Him, to follow His commands, to trust in His word, the more joy and contentment you will find in life.  When God says “No,” it’s because God knows what is best.  When God says “Yes,” it’s because He wants to shower you with blessings.

See you at Home Plate!

SDG