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About reveds

Occupation: Pastor, Ebenezer Presbyterian Church, Lennox, SD Education: BS - Christian Education, Sterling College; MDiv. - Princeton Theological Seminary Family: Married, with Four children. Hobbies: Running (will someday run a marathon), Sci-Fi (especially Doctor Who and Sherlock), Theater, and anything else my kids will let me do.

The Church and the Light Bulb

There are endless versions of these, but I thought I’d memorialize the jokes here on my blog.  Enjoy!

How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today. 

How many fundamentalists or independent Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one because any more would be compromise and ecumenical standards of light would slip. 

How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb, they still may not change it to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.

How many Anglicans or Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They always use candles. 

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change the bulb. One to bless the elements. One to pour the sherry. And one to offer a toast to the old light bulb. 

How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad. 

How many Nazarenes does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy. 

How many United Church of Christ members does it take to change a light bulb?
Eleven. One to change the light bulb. And ten more to organize a covered dish supper that will follow the changing of the bulb service. 

How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?
There is some question here. But we have it on good authority that they have appointed a committee to study the issue and report back at their next meeting.

How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?
What’s a light bulb?

How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey, you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship to your light bulb and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-lived, and tinted; all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence through Jesus Christ.

 If you know of more – please reply

Grandma and Grandpa Sayler’s Lasting Gift

“I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.”
(2 Timothy 1:5 ESV)

Last night at the Sayler house we had baked potatoes for supper.  We were limited on time and didn’t really want to cook what was on the menu for the evening.  Our options were few, we’re cutting back on eating out, so we decided to have baked potatoes.  Christi got right to work on making the broccoli and cheese topping, while I prepared the potatoes.

As I mentioned we were short on time, so I had to use the microwave.  I forked the potatoes, placed them on the plate, put a steamer lid over them (thank you Tupperware lady) and put them in to cook.  It took 20 minutes on high to cook six potatoes in the microwave, but they were piping hot and ready to go.

Halfway through the meal I thought we might need a couple more baked potatoes in case anyone wanted seconds, so I got up to prepare them.  Then I noticed it: the microwave was dead.  The light wouldn’t come on when I opened the door.  The display panel was blank.  I ran to the basement to check the breaker, everything was still on.  My heart sunk; our microwave was dead.

Now, I’m not one to get too attached to possessions.  We have had the microwave for 16 years, but that’s not why I was sad.  The sad part was it was a gift from my grandparents.

Grandma and Grandpa Sayler weren’t able to come to our wedding.  Christi and I were getting married in Colorado, they lived in Kansas City, and they couldn’t make the trip.  Just a month after the wedding, both were in the hospital.  Grandpa was dying from complications due to Parkinson’s, grandma had the flu.  Christi and I drove up to see them, in fact the whole family was gathered there.  We gathered in their room, said our “goodbyes” to grandpa, prayed and sang. 

In the midst of all this, grandma had one thing on her mind: she just had to give us a check for our wedding gift so we could buy a microwave.  It was what they had decided to give us for our wedding, and she was singularly possessed by her desire to give us a check and to make sure we bought a microwave.  Finally, after much protesting, we graciously took the check and were able to buy the microwave that now sits, overheated, on our kitchen counter.  We said a little thank you to grandma and grandpa every time we used it, now it’s a little sad to see it go.

Still, I have another lasting gift from my grandparents: it is a legacy of faith that they have passed on to me, and I hope to pass on to my children and grandchildren.  Anytime I stop to think about grandma and grandpa Sayler, I recall the devotions before breakfast and supper.  Usually Grandpa read from Guideposts or Our Daily Bread – and as a kid I’d sit through anything just to eat the Cookie Crisp cereal they had bought just for us.  As I grew older, I treasured those moments in devotion and prayer.  If we were ever with Grandma and Grandpa on the weekends, we’d be in church, no excuses.  I remember Grandpa having a heart to heart conversation with me about going to seminary.  (He had been influential in starting a Christian Businessmen’s Ministry to inmates in Kansas City, reaching them with the gospel and training them with job skills, and helping them find work once released – he wanted me to know that I didn’t have to be ordained to be in ministry.)  All in all, I’d say this spiritual influence is a far greater gift from my grandparents than any old appliance – it will surely last longer.

What gift are you passing on to your family?  A lot of the stuff will pass away, but the investment that we make in the hearts of our children and grandchildren is what is lasting.  Pray with and for them.  When they come to visit, bring them to church.  Share your faith with them, let them know what you believe and why.

Psalm 78:5-7 says,

He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments;

I am thankful that my grandparents and my parents taught me to set my hope in God and not forget His mighty works.  Let us pledge to pass that gift on to the generations that follow.

SDG