Whatever happened to the good cartoons? I mean, really!! Why do they have to be informative, educational, and safe? I survived the cartoonish violence of Yo-Samity Sam and Elmer Fudd blowing the pants off of all God’s creatures, and am relatively well adjusted in spite of it all. I dare say I even learned a few things as well. Such as:
1) When trying to catch a rabbit, mouse, bird, or any such varmint – never buy anything from ACME. As neat as it looks, it simply won’t work.
2) The “duck-season, rabbit-season, duck-season” confusion tactic only works between one four year old and another. (I’ve tried it on my kids, and they don’t get it – philistines).
3) The French stink, but their good with the women. (ala Pepe Le Pew)
4) Given the right amount of postage, you can ship yourself anywhere in the world and get there within seconds.
5) Never, I repeat, Never, take that shortcut in Albuquerque!
6) Sticking your finger in the barrel of a shotgun when fired will cause the gun to backfire, and therefore ensure your complete safety. (I’ve not tested this one – yet).
7) Dressing in women’s clothing might get you out of one mess, but it will only cause more problems down the road.
8) Pounding your fork and spoon on the table, yelling “Where’s my hossenpheffer?” will get an immediate response from your wife (although perhaps not the one you would like).
Instead, today we watched “Caillou,” which is apparently a show designed to teach our children that given enough whining and crying your parents will give you anything. I’d rather listen to a dripping faucet. Shows like this will keep Ambien from ever being profitable.
Perhaps the show did reach its intended goal. My two year old asked to turn off the TV so we could go outside and play. I guess that tells you what he thought of it. But I guarantee had the “Bugs and Tweety” show been on… ah, paradise!
A few more:
1) If you run fast enough through a wall, the hole will be a perfect silhouette of your body.
2) If you run fast enough off a cliff, you will manage to run on air half-way to the other side of the ravine, unless you entertain the ridiculous notion of looking down. Once you start to fall, you’ll at least have enough time to turn to the camera and wave bye-bye. And the ground crater you create? Another perfect silhouette of your body.
3) If you manage to get shot at point blank range by a rifle, don’t worry. You’re head won’t get blown off, and you won’t bleed. But you’re sure to be covered in inexplicable black soot.
I’m with you on Caillou. He was banned in our household years ago. And the same goes for just about anything on Nickelodeon. Too many commercials advertising toys and products we don’t need, and our kids don’t need help learning to be rabid consumerists. We’re much more into Playhouse Disney and Noggin.